Thursday, 30 November 2017

Managing a Situation




David Hall was brought up in the frugal 1950’s when there were limited opportunities for people coming from a humble background to reach a management position. The only chance of promotion was to work hard and excel in a Blue Collar job in the hope that your efforts may be rewarded when a Foreman’s position became vacant.
Many young men became Trailer Boys and then Lorry Drivers in the 1950’s as a mechanism to fund the financial implications when a young romance unexpectedly produced a bundle that definitely wasn’t a joy at the outset. Some young men were forced to leave school at the earliest opportunity yet some had the IQ to have become a manager had they come from a more affluent background.
David saw examples of Lorry Drivers performing management roles in Fellside Transport, in Lazonby, which specialised in Livestock movements, when he travelled with Drivers during his school holidays. For local farm collections into Penrith Auction Mart, Albert Kelso, who owned Fellside Transport, would provide Drivers with instructions of how the vehicle should be loaded. However, when Fellside Transport vehicles were loading at a Lamb Sale based at a location a long distance from Lazonby, normally Driver Jack Stubbs would act as a foreman. Jack would be the point of contact for Sheep Buyers. Jack would assemble sheep into lots of 120 which would fit onto a triple-decked livestock container, assign loads to Drivers, liaise with the Auction Staff and keep Albert Kelso informed.

Another Lorry Driver who performed a role beyond his brief was Archie Stamper whose concerns for the animals in his care did not seem possible from the gruff persona he projected. Once David saw Archie take a handkerchief out of his pocket soak it in the cool water in the water trough and then placed it very carefully under the tail of a heifer cow which had just calved for the first time and was extremely sore. Archie would also closely examine the sheep he was asked to load and put any sickly looking ones on the top deck so that they would have plenty of air. On occasions if a sheep was in acute distress Archie would stop on route at a Slaughter House where he knew the staff and have the sheep humanly put out of its misery.
David, during his role with funerals, would never compare any feat he has accomplished to the exploits of the great men mentioned above, however, when you read the events below you may want to take a different view.
Windmill Hill Bristol
During a well attended funeral in Windmill Hill Bristol the streets were very congested and when the Leyland Beaver pulled up in front of St. Michaels & All Angels in Vivian Street the area became gridlocked.
No vehicle could get past the vintage lorry and cars coming up Vivian Street simply went down Gwilliam Street and found another way to get to the area beyond the 1950 Leyland Beaver. The situation was made worse by customers for the fitness classes in the Windmill Hill Community Centre, opposite the church, wanting to park their cars. Someone must have called the Police and a male and a female Officer arrived, they spoke to David and understood that his vehicle could not be moved until the funeral service had ended.
Just about this time a car pulled up close to the Leyland Beaver and a disabled lady, who needed two sticks to walk, shuffled towards the female Police Constable. The lady asked if she could leave her car where it was, go home and return to remove it after the funeral. The Police Woman adopted a highly combative and aggressive stance telling the disabled lady that under no circumstances could she leave her car in front of the lorry and the disabled lady became very distressed and started to cry. David agreed with the Police Woman’s stance but not how she put it across. The disabled lady kept shouting, ‘I need to get to my house.’
David stepped forward and asked if he could be of any help. The disabled lady kept shouting, ‘I need to get to my house.’ David found out that she lived only 50 yards beyond the lorry and quickly evaluated the best way he could achieve a win, win, situation, that was, make the lady happy but make the car disappear. The lady was shaking and sobbing so David put his arm around her and said, ‘Don’t you take any notice of the Police, if I got the drivers of the limousines to park on the pavement could you manage to drive through the gap?’ David nodded to the limousine drivers, they moved their cars and the disabled lady gingerly drove through the gap whilst the Police Officers looked on with amazement.

David got back to his Carriage Master role and got the white coffin back onto the lorry. As he was tightening the ratchet straps he felt a tug on his arm. It was the disabled lady who said, ‘I want to shake your hand and thank you for taking charge of the situation today. Did you get the number of the female Police Constable?’
Semington
David had the honour of undertaking the funeral of the last surviving Lorry Driver from W.A & A.G. Spiers Ltd from Melksham and David was told that he would have to load the coffin and flowers from the Deceased’s house. David had previously been involved in the funeral of a fellow Spiers Driver some five years before, who had lived in the house next door. During the previous funeral David became aware of the horrendous congestion around the Primary School directly across the road and a Coach Driver who normally deposited his vehicle near the school.
When David took the instruction for the last Spiers Driver he was concerned about where he could park the lorry until the coffin and flowers were delivered. Being close to where David lives he decided to assess the traffic situation on the same day of the week and at the same time as the funeral would take place. David found that the Coach was no longer allowed to park in the street and that the Deceased’s house had a double concrete drive that would be ideal to park the Leyland Beaver side by side with a hearse to enable the coffin to be transferred onto the vintage lorry.

Having established that no one was in the Deceased’s house, David, using the tape measure, which he always carries in his pocket, drew a diagram of how the operation would work with the salient dimensions documented in the sketch. David emailed the diagram to the Family and requested that certain pieces of equipment be moved and that cones should be positioned on the street to allow clear access into the driveway. Some of the Family members were initially concerned that David had entered the Deceased’s garden, however, the Deceased youngest son told them, ‘Don’t be daft, David is exactly the type of guy we need, getting into the detail, making sure everything will go to plan.’

When David emailed the plan to the Funeral Director, David suggested that he had performed a role that the Funeral Director should have undertaken. The Funeral Director said, ‘Dave, we have known you for years, this is the fifth job you have done for us, we trust you. You know the best way to undertake a job and we always leave the detailed planning to you.’

Downend
When a Lorry Driver passed away his company asked David to use the Leyland Beaver to carry the coffin and flowers and the company would provide two Tractor Units to carry the mourners. David had worked for the Downend Funeral Director a number of times and he devised a plan how he could accommodate two Tractor Units and his Leyland Beaver in front of the Funeral Director. However, in order to achieve the plan David would need to prevent any other vehicle from parking at the end of the street. So David arrived early at 0630 hours and instead of parking in his normal space alongside the Funeral Director’s building, he positioned the vintage lorry across 5 of the 6 parking bays at the end of the street, placing a traffic cone in the 6th bay. Towards 0730 hours a young lady drove into the 6th bay and started to remove the traffic cone. David leapt out the cab and told the young lady that she couldn’t park in the 6th bay as she would block the lorry from leaving. The young lady said, ‘I have parked in this spot everyday for the past 5 years,’ and David replied, ‘That may be the case but you ain’t going to park here today!’ David went on to explain the scene that he was attempting to create around 1300 hours and as this was involved with a funeral she reluctantly agreed to park further up the street.

At 1215 hours, bang on time, two Tractor Units rolled into the street and parked in the positions that David had reserved and then the photo shoot commenced. The Owner of the haulage company thanked David for everything he had done saying, ‘You are doing the wrong job Buddie, you should be behind a desk, planning and thinking, not behind a wheel, wishing and hoping.’

Friday, 10 November 2017

A Funeral in Sidcup



In October 2016 a family from Sidcup left a message on the Vintage Lorry Funerals website about a funeral on November 7th. David exchanged emails with the Daughter of the Deceased and one of his standard questions is ‘Who will be the Funeral Director?’ David told the Daughter that he would have to check that there would be no problem in the Family paying him direct, as not all Funeral Directors are happy with this type of arrangement in which they loose any mark up they would seek to invoke.
David phoned F. A. Albin & Sons Sidcup Manager, Mickey Thorpe, to introduce himself and initially the conversation didn’t go well when Mickey asked, ‘Are you the Piper?’ David explained that he was the man with the lorry and he needed to know if F. A. Albin & Sons would be happy with the Family paying David directly. Mickey explained the company would have no problem working with Vintage Lorry Funerals or with the Family paying David directly.
The main Floral Tributes were ‘POPS’ from the Deceased’s children and a ‘Pillow’ from the Deceased’s Partner. David proposed a minimalistic layout with ‘POPS’ on the headboard and the ‘Pillow’ appearing to float near the head of the coffin. In order to achieve this David asked Jane, of Sweet P Florists in Sidcup, to take a series of measurements of the ‘Pillow’ oasis base. David then found a piece of wood from his stockpile that was the same shape as the ‘Pillow’.

The accommodation for the lorry and David were quickly sourced as David chose to use the Kwik Fit location in St. Mary’s Cray to park his lorry in overnight, the third time he had used this facility in the past 12 months. The staff know David and welcome his vintage lorry every time it trundles into their yard. Men are always available to guide David as he reverses the Leyland Beaver into the MOT Bay and then David hands over two boxes of biscuits, one for the men and one for the Manager and his family. One hundred yards down the road is a low cost hotel which offers cost effective rooms but with no meal facilities. The Marie Rose offers a clean en suit room and evening meals are within 80 yards at Nandos and breakfast is available at Costa Coffee from 0730 hours or a local café from 0800 hours. David is happy to use St Mary’s Cray as his operating centre for South East London and Kent.
When David pulled up at F. A. Albin & Sons Mickey Thorpe came out to explain where David should park his lorry and one of their staff helped David to turn the lorry in a tight area, watching that he didn’t get too close to any cars or bollards. Mickey noticed that one of the Leyland Beaver’s rear tyres had scuffed a kerb and he made tyre dressing available as it was important that F. A. Albin & Son standards should be maintained.
David told Mickey that he had built up Vintage Lorry Funerals from scratch in 2002 and has developed an awareness campaign that normally generates four funeral enquiries per month on average, nationwide.
David is also the only Carriage Master who builds three dimensional displays from Floral Tributes. Whereas other Carriage Masters, (Horse Drawn, Land Rover, VW Caravanette) always load the coffin first and then try to fit the flowers around the coffin, David loads the flowers first, sometimes taking 90 minutes to check each Floral Tribute is correctly aligned.
When the flowers arrived at the F. A. Albin & Sons Funeral Home in Sidcup David noticed that the three ribbons on the ‘Pillow’ were loose and fluttering in the breeze. David thought to himself, ‘This may be OK in a hearse but they will fly away off my lorry.’ So working like MacGyver in the 1980’s TV Show, David took two elastic bands out of his equipment box and in no time the job was done. The result may not have looked pretty but it was very practical.
When the cortege left the Family home two F. A. Albin & Sons employees walked alongside the lorry, positioning themselves adjacent to the rear axle which provided an amazing display of respect. This was the first time that this had ever been done in over 300 funerals. It provided David with an added complication now having to focus on the extra width required between cars in the street as well as the distant between the Conductor, who was paging the cortege. 

The 1950 Leyland Beaver was paged in Eltham Crematorium by Pipe Major Chic Mackie, from the Black Watch – London Pipes and Drums, and whilst the service was taking place Chic spent time admiring the vintage lorry and asked David for some of his Business Cards.
Leaving Eltham Crematorium at 1500 hours David took his normal route using the back roads around Croydon and despite catching the end of the school day and the beginning of the rush hour David was at Tolworth on the A3 by 1645 hours. The trick was the correct road selection and tactics to ensure that the 67 year old lorry kept rolling and was never stuck behind a bus. David took a statutory 45 minute break at Sutton Scotney Services on the A34 which he arrived at by 1900 hours. He then refuelled at Ludgershall just before the garage closed at 2100 hours and the Leyland Beaver pulled into Bradford-on-Avon just before 2230 hours. Unfortunately a dog was loose on the street and threatened to bite David’s wife as she was guiding the vintage lorry up the driveway. David always reckons you must be prepared for anything on the road.
At 1615 hours earlier that day David was sitting at the lights on the A232 which crosses the Tram Line in the Sandiacre region of Croydon. Two things disturbed David, one was the speed of the Trams that he saw coming towards him in his nearside mirror and the second being that a bus turned right at the lights and drove onto the Tram Tracks. David had a bad feeling about the safety as motorists unfamiliar with the crossing could have followed the bus and ended up on the Tram Line. The following morning David was horrified when he put on his TV and learned about the horrific Tram Disaster in Sandiacre. 

Sunday, 1 October 2017

Leeds & Coventry in the same week



When Eric F. Box, of Dewsbury, booked the Leyland Beaver for a funeral, Andrew Box explained that the lorry was too high to fit inside their garage. David Hall told Andrew not to worry as there was a Kwik Fit just down the road. David phoned the Kwik Fit Manager and made him aware of the arrangements he has with Kwik Fit to park the vintage lorry undercover within their facilities the night before a funeral. The Manager confirmed that their door was 10 ft high and he envisaged no problems.
Sometimes finding out about the Floral Tributes can provide a challenge and the funeral in Leeds turned into the most challenging to date. The Deceased’s Partner had placed an order for a two dimensional flat-bed lorry Floral Tribute with Brian’s Flowers, a Stall Holder on Leeds Market. The landline number David was given proved to be unobtainable but undeterred David rang the Leeds Market Office and established a mobile number for man called Dave. David rang the number, however, an international ring out tone was evident and the call was quickly terminated. David then sent Dave a text that produced no response. It was vital that David got some information on the Floral Tribute because he was intending to build a wooden structure the same shape as the lorry, so that the Floral Tribute would appear to be floating unsupported.
So David ignored the cost involved and phoned the mobile and spoke to Dave who was on holiday in Spain, but he gave David the mobile number for a gentleman also called Dave who was holding the fort whilst Dave was on holiday. So David rang Dave in Leeds who knew very little about the Floral Tribute but he asked David to ring him at 12 noon on the Friday when the oasis base would arrive. David was concerned because the clock was ticking and he had only 48 hours left to design, source the wood and create the wooden support structure the same shape as the Floral Tribute. In truth it would have simpler to put the Floral Tribute on a 3 ft x 2 ft board as David had done in the past, however, David is driven to always seek improvements to enhance his service offering.
David phoned Dave at 1205 hours and Dave said, ‘Have you got a pencil and paper ready?’ Dave then told David every dimension that he required. It was first class information which allowed David to start work on the deck immediately.
As David was working out the best route to get to Eric F. Box in Dewsbury he used Google Maps to explore the roads approaching the Funeral Director. David was surprised by the building that housed the Eric F. Box operation. The modernist outside with clear lines could have graced a Grand Designs programme and David commented to Andrew that it looked more like an Architect’s building not a Funeral Home.
Earlier in the week David had received an enquiry from Coventry for the same day as the Leeds funeral, however, the Family changed the day of the funeral to secure the Leyland Beaver for the Friday following the Leeds Funeral which was on a Tuesday.
It had been a number of years since the Leyland Beaver had been in Leeds, however, the old girl knew where she was going. The journey went well with two planned stops in Alcester and Leicester North Services where David had a sandwich for his dinner. Carrying on the A46 was easy driving as large sections of dual carriageway had been installed in the past ten years. The A6097 leads onto the A614, an old three lane road from the 1950s and David was delighted that cars were overtaking him as the vintage lorry hugged the kerb, often against a stream of on-coming vehicles. The A1M was joined just north of Ollerton and everything was going well until the A638 went through Wakefield and the traffic came to a halt coinciding with the insanity which can occur at school home time. Mums launched their 4x4s into the queuing traffic hell-bent on collecting their youngster from school. Back in the 1950’s Mums used to walk to school and spend quality time speaking to the children on the way home, finding out how their day had gone. This scene seems light years away from the current day.
David was concerned that Eric F. Box would close like so many other Funeral Directors at 1630 hours. So he stopped the lorry’s engine in the stationary traffic queue and David phoned his wife who relayed the message to Andrew Box that David might be 30 minutes late. David need not have worried because as soon as the Leyland Beaver was in Eric F. Box’s yard a member of their team was assigned to work for David, helping him clean the lorry.
Andrew accompanied David down the road to Kwik Fit which was still extremely busy at 1745 hours. David tried to locate Bradley the Manager but unlike other Tyre Fitting Companies this Kwik Fit Manager’s hands were dirtier than many of his men. Andrew Box never the less shook Bradley’s hand and thanked him for allowing the Leyland Beaver to park in their premises.
In the morning Andrew collected David from the hotel and asked David if he was going to the Crematorium to test if he could get the vintage lorry under the canopy. David said, ‘No need, the space under the canopy is 107 inches and the Beaver is just over 100 inches’. Dewsbury Kwik Fit is unique in that it has its own traffic lights so getting out into the rush-hour traffic, which is normally a concern, is not an issue with this site. In addition the translucent panels on the door made sure that the Leyland Beaver was showcased for everyone one passing on the busy Huddersfield road. 

Whilst waiting for the coffin to be loaded David was given a guided tour of the Funeral Director’s premises which would have caused Kevin McCloud’s jaw to drop with a vast open plan reception having offices above. The site had been a former night club which had been tastefully refurbished with the steel roof support girders being clad in stone. Beneath the reception desk a mirror provides the deception that the green carpet extends for ever. Around this time a ‘SHAUN’ Floral Tribute arrived unexpectedly and Andrew was delighted that David had the facilities to make a feature of it within the display. 

The journey to the house in Leeds was made easier by Andrew Box arranging for some of his men to block traffic and one car operated in front of the Leyland Beaver with the passenger leaning out of the window, using an expensive camera to take some amazing pictures. With another car blocking the traffic at times it resembled ‘Smokey & the Bandit’. David was impressed with Leeds Lorry Drivers who did not attempt to speed past the vintage lorry but tucked in behind the cars in the cortege. One Lorry Driver even straddled the white line on the dual carriageway to prevent any cars racing past the cortege in the outside lane which remained empty.

Having started at 0830 hours David could only work until 2330 hours so leaving Dewsbury Moor Crematorium at 1400 hours and having taken 9 hours driving on the way up, it was touch and go whether David could get home that night. David came back the same way and made good progress arriving at Leicester North Services at 1745 hours and taking his tea in KFC as the rush-hour traffic became gridlocked on the A46. Leaving after his 45 minute legal rest break David took the M1 where he stayed in the inside lane down to the M69. This improves David’s safety, however, this was further enhanced by a 40 mph speed limit being imposed on the overhead signs. David’s next target was to reach P.J. Nicholls in Tewkesbury before it closed at 2100 hours. The competitive Derv price is mainly influenced by the Morrisons store nearby but the ladies behind the till know David and are always interested where he has been.
Overnight road works in Quedgeley caused a detour, however, the Leyland Beaver was just about in its garage when 2330 hours arrived. The next two days were spent dismantling the Leeds display and erecting the one for Coventry which was radically different.
Friday’s funeral in the Stoke region of Coventry involved an early start with David leaving at 0445 hours taking the Fosse Way A429 for the Funeral Director which was on the East side of the city. David had planned his working week so that another 15 hour shift, the second in 7 days, could be available.
David had advised the Funeral Director the best way to the house, however, his advice was ignored. Instead of going a short distance up Leicester Causeway and turning in a commercial garage, the hearse driver leading the cortege elected to go down the whole length of the street to avoid turning near the house. Unfortunately cars were parked on both sides of Leicester Causeway and despite it being obvious that a funeral was approaching in the opposite direction there was a stream of oncoming cars and the cortege came to a halt with the hearse head to head with a car. The cars were driven mainly by women who were talking to their passenger rather than looking ahead. The cars wouldn’t reverse so the hearse driver forced them to move over as he squeezed the hearse through the very small gap. Basically there were 4 lanes of cars on the stretch of a street where 3 cars would have been comfortable. The Leyland Beaver is 12 inches wider than a hearse and there was only a hair’s breadth between the vintage lorry and cars at either side. The lady driver in the oncoming car, still chatting to her companion, froze like a rabbit caught in headlights. David tried to get the lady to drive forward slowly because if he had moved first, with the lorry being 26 feet long, small adjustments in the steering can produce large sideways movements to the rear overhang. The lady refused to move her car fearing she would hit another car. David was frustrated that the Funeral Director, who was in the hearse, did not get out of the car to help him, after all his main role was to conduct the funeral and to ensure that the cortege should arrive at the allotted time at Canley Crematorium. However, to be fair even if he had wanted to help there was no way that he could have opened the door to get out of the hearse. David was in an impossible situation and The Animals song ‘We got to get out of this place’ seemed very appropriate. All he could do was pray for some guidance, but David’s old Dad used to say, ‘God helps them who helps themselves.’ So he put the lorry into second gear, first is reserved for going up stone walls, let the clutch out and the lorry inched forward on tick-over. David stood up so that he could judge how close the cars were in his diminutive wing mirrors and hoped for the best. The lorry touched two wing mirrors but didn’t break them.

The Family were lovely with David, they had asked for his permission to use his marketing image throughout the Order of Service booklet. It is evident that some Families want David’s lorry but some Families need his lorry. As David was leaving the crematorium one of the Deceased’s Daughters ran after the lorry demanding that David should stop so she could shake his hand. She and her Dad had met David the previous year at the Classic Commercials Enthusiast Day in Malvern.
On the way home David refuelled at P. J. Nicholls for the third time in 5 days. On entering the shop to pay for the derv David noticed a short queue of people waiting to pay for groceries for goods from within the shop. The Attendant behind the till shouted, ‘Come forward Driver,’ and David was summoned to the front of the queue just like Lorry Drivers were in garages and roadside cafes in the 1950s.                         

Saturday, 2 September 2017

Mourners rescued by Leyland Beaver



On April 20th 2011 Vintage Lorry Funerals took Roger Hurd, a Builder from Bath, on his final journey to Haycombe Crematorium.

Roger, whilst on a journey to visit his Daughter Jade in Cornwall, had picked up a Vintage Lorry Funerals card in Woody’s Transport Café at Sourton on the A30 near to Okehampton. He thought that the picture on the front was interesting and he noted that the STD code of the phone number was the same as his home town of Bath.
Sadly within a short period of time Roger had collapsed and passed away in his Brother’s arms. Roger’s Mum found the Vintage Lorry Funerals card in his jacket pocket and decided that if Roger had wanted the Leyland Beaver for his funeral then she would have no objections provided the flowers were arranged around his coffin in the same manner as in a hearse.

In the centre of Bath is a traffic system, just down the road from where Roger had lived, which prevents cars going through the centre, however, buses can travel through a set of two traffic lights. The facility is called the ‘Bus Gate’, however, it would be more appropriately called the ‘Money Gate’ because motorists, unaccustomed to the area, get confused with the sign, go through the traffic lights and end up being fined £60.
Roger was often walking through the ‘Bus Gate’ area on his way to the shops and he used to step in front of cars preventing them going through the ‘Bus Gate’ and saving them the fine. Roger was such a strong campaigner against the ‘Bus Gate’ that when he passed away his family sought Bath & North East Somerset Council’s authority for David Hall to drive the Leyland Beaver through the ‘Bus Gate’ enabling the vintage lorry to take the most direct route to Haycombe Crematorium.
With over 200 mourners expected it was decided to hold the service within the larger Chapel just inside the gates. Rog, as he was known to his friends, was then re-loaded onto the 1950 Leyland Beaver, amid rapturous applause, and all the mourners walked behind the lorry for approximately one mile down a steep incline to the Crematorium. David always waits to meet the Family after the service in case anyone would like to see inside the cab, however, on this occasion it wasn’t the cab that mourners were interested in but the deck of the lorry.
All the mourners had left their cars at the Chapel near the entrance and two ladies approached David and enquired if they could ride on the deck of the Leyland Beaver, saving them a long walk up a steep incline. David was happy to help but insisted that everyone had to follow his instructions. Using the ladder, which is slid out from a shelf under the deck, David helped the mourners onto the deck as some had inappropriate footwear. David then told the men to stand at the front of the deck and hold the headboard firmly. Ladies whose skirts may have become difficult to control in the breeze were invited to sit on the deck with their legs dangling over the sides. David admonished two young ladies who were sitting over the drive axle of the lorry telling them to move away from any moving part, ‘we don’t want to create next week’s business this week,’ David quipped.
David set off very slowly with over 30 people on board and as the Leyland Beaver climbed the hill he noticed the graves of German Luftwaffe staff who had lost their lives attacking Bath. As this was April 20th, Adolf Hitler’s birthday, David suddenly likened his rescue mission to that he had seen in a three part BBC documentary drama three months earlier about the events that took place after a U-boat sunk a Trooper Carrying Liner in WWII.
S.S.Laconia was a Liner that had been converted into a Troop-ship with guns mounted front and aft on its way from Egypt to England taking the long way around Africa to avoid German shipping in the Mediterranean. There were 2732 people on board including 80 civilians, 268 British Soldiers, 1800 Italian Prisoners of War, and 160 Polish Soldiers to guard the Italians.
On September 14th 1942 at around 2000 hours Korvetten Kapitan Werner Hartenstein in U-Boat 156 spotted the lone liner, spewing out smoke from it funnels and fired two torpedoes at a range of 2 miles, both of which hit the ship. The Laconia started to list and passengers were instructed to abandon the stricken ship, however, the Italians were locked in cages beneath the decks. Some Italians managed to break out and some sadly were bayoneted to death by the Polish Guards as they rushed towards life boats.
Hartenstein surfaced and made his way towards the Laconia in a bid to capture Military Officers. In the fading sunlight the U-Boat crew spotted floating corpses, over-crowded lifeboats and frantic swimmers crying for help. The U-Boat crew were astonished to hear ‘Aiuto, Aiuto’ the cries of help, help from Italians in the water, who at that stage in WWII were fighting on the same side as the Nazis. Hartenstein thought that he had attacked a Troop-ship but he now realised that Laconia was carrying many passengers.

Realising his mistake, Hartenstein immediately launched a rescue operation. Women and children were crammed inside the U-Boat, with the German Officers giving up their bunks to survivors, many people stood on the upper deck of the submarine and 200 survivors were in 4 lifeboats that were tied to the U-Boat with rope. Hartenstein used his Enigma machine to contact Admiral Donitz who immediately dispatched 7 U-Boats to support the rescue mission. Adolf Hitler found out about the rescue and forbade U-Boats being taken off their fighting roles. Admiral Donitz then took a very brave step and countermanded Hitler’s order sending U-506 and U-508, captained by Erich Wurdeman and Harrd Schach, which arrived around noon on September 15th. Donitz took the decision mainly to bolster the morale of the U-156 crew.

Sadly a Nurse, Doris Hawkins, was travelling with a 14 month girl called Sally and the young girl was lost as she was being transferred from the lifeboat to the U-156. Doris was distraught and the crews of the three U-Boats used search lights and spent considerable time looking for the little girl but Sally was never found. U-507 loaded 491 people, including 15 women & 16 children and U-506 loaded 151 people, including 9 women and followed Hartenstein, who was towing 4 lifeboats.
Hartenstein flew a Red Cross Flag and broadcast in English on an open channel, ‘If any ship will assist the ship wrecked Laconia crew I will not attack, provided I am not attacked by ship or airforce.’
The three submarines had remained on the surface for about 2.5 days but for safety reasons the three U-Boats split up and provided a separation between the vessels. On September 16th at 1125 hours an American B-24 Liberator Bomber from Ascension Island circled around U-156 and Hartenstein’s first thoughts were that it was going to drop supplies. However, despite the Red Cross Flag, people on the deck and four lifeboats in tow, the Liberator attacked and dropped depth charges which landed between two of the four lifeboats immediately wiping out half of the boats and their survivors. Hartenstein submerged U-156 very slowly to allow the people on the deck to swim free and the two remaining lifeboats headed for Africa. One with 68 people on board, lifeboat No. 9, reached the Liberian coast with 16 people alive, including Doris Hawkins and the other lifeboat was rescued by a British trawler after 40 days at sea but only 4 of the 52 occupants were alive.
U-506 & U-507 escaped the bombing run by the USAAF Liberator and continued to pick up survivors who had swam off the deck of U-156 before it submerged and all the survivors on the U-Boats were transferred to Free French vessels and landed in Dakar on 24th September.
The Laconia incident had far reaching consequences:-
The American Bombing of U-156 caused Donitz to issue an instruction that in future all rescue operations were forbidden.
Lieutenant James D. Harden, who flew the Liberator that attacked U-156, and his crew were awarded medals for the alleged submarine sinking whereas in truth they had only hit two lifeboats killing a number of survivors.
During the Nuremberg War Crimes Trials, Admiral Donitz’s legal team used the rescue of the Laconia survivors to help the judgement of the Death Penalty to be commuted to 11.5 years in prison. Donitz survived World War II and lived to an old age, passing away on Christmas Eve 1980.
Werner Hartenstein, holder of the Knight’s Cross, Germany’s highest military honour, and his crew were not as lucky because 6 months after the Laconia rescue, the U-Boat was depth charged by a Liberator off the coast of Barbados and U-156 was sunk with all hands lost in March 1943.
Of the 2732 people who left Egypt on the SS Laconia only 1500 survived.
There was, however, a better outcome regarding the motorists fined for going through the Bath Bus Gate. Almost three years after Roger Hurd passed away Bath & North East Somerset admitted that the signs were confusing and refunded £250,000 of the fines already paid. You could sense that Roger Hurd would be looking down and smiling. 

Tuesday, 1 August 2017

A Heavy Weight Funeral in Bloxwich



Whilst David Hall was taking a break on his way to a funeral in Reading he received a call on his mobile from a lady in Bloxwich. She said that she had found David’s number from the Vintage Lorry Funerals website and wanted to know the cost of a funeral in Bloxwich. David asked if the Deceased was her Dad, however, the lady replied that the lorry was for her Husband who was only 53. Having recently been to Walsall, which is the next town to Bloxwich, David could provide an instant answer on the price. The Deceased’s only wish was that he should be taken to Streetly Crematorium on a lorry. The lady had enquired if her Husband’s former employer could have provided a lorry, however, the company pointed her towards ‘a bloke in Bradford-on-Avon who has a Beaver.’
Whilst David was on his mobile, he noticed that a young man in a Grundon uniform was waiting to speak with him. David had previously undertaken his Dad’s funeral in Newbury on February 2nd. He shook David’s hand and said, ‘We will never forget the brilliant job you did for our Dad and the excellent Obituary article you wrote for Vintage Roadscene.’
David then phoned Sean Hayward who runs Haywards of Walsall a transport firm with over 80 vehicles, with whom David parks the 1950 Leyland Beaver the night before a Midland’s funeral. Sean said it was no problem and he would get Quinn Holmes, his Fleet Engineer, to make space available in the garage and Quinn would take David to the Premier Inn and collect him in the morning.
David’s next phone call was to the Bloxwich Funeral Director and Marie who answered the phone asked if David was a friend of the Family. David was disappointed that despite his marketing efforts, not for the first time, someone in the funeral industry had never heard of Vintage Lorry Funerals. Marie asked the height of the side roller and then expressed her concerns as all her employees were female and the Deceased in his casket was thought to be 36 stones. David responded, ‘You’ll need to find some blokes to lift the coffin onto my lorry.’

Cognisant that an all female team would be at the crematorium, David thought of how he could revise his handling techniques which would enable him to operate on his own on the deck, supported by one person on the ground, treating the Deceased as if he were 15 stones.
David can never recall having achieved so much whilst taking his 45 minute legal break from driving, parked in a lay-bye on the A4 in Thatcham.
David worked out the best way to Bloxwich which involved going round the old inner Birmingham Ring Road the A4040, which has stretches of dual carriageways in dense populated areas. With no toilet facilities on this route David spoke to Neeley Transport at Stechford and asked if he could take a comfort break at their facility. The man who answered the phone said, ‘The old man would love to see your wagon’.
The journey went well and David made his first stop at Alcester Services on the A46. Having experienced no hold ups David was surprised when the traffic came to a standstill on Maypole Lane due to road works under the low bridge on Colebrook Road. A long delay was envisaged with cars turning around in front of the Leyland Beaver attempting to find an alternative route. David spotted in his wing mirror two workmen returning to the road works after a shopping expedition to buy sandwiches. As they passed the vintage lorry David pointed to the ‘Funeral In Progress’ sign in his windscreen. The men then started to run and took over the management of the traffic lights manually overriding the system. They stopped the oncoming traffic travelling toward the Leyland Beaver and frantically waved the cars in front of the vintage lorry through the lights and as David passed the men they took off their hats and bowed. It is said that a picture is better than a 1000 words but on this occasion a sign was better than any words.
When the Leyland Beaver trundled into Neeley’s yard their transhipment operation came to a halt. All of the Fork Lift Operators were older men who had been Lorry Drivers in the 1950’s and as soon as they heard the Leyland 600 engine they jumped off their Fork Lifts and surround the Leyland Beaver. They said, ‘Sounds Good…That Slow Tickover….The restoration is immaculate.’
David was instructed to park in the corner of the yard and with the transhipment operation being performed in front of his eyes, David was transfixed, whilst he ate his sandwiches. In a multiple delivery transport operations the consolidation between consignments is paramount to achieving profitability and this rests with two people, the person who routes the load and the person who loads the trailer. The former usually gets most of the credit in the office, however, in David’s opinion the person on the Fork Lift has a more important role as he has to find the best way to fit the consignments onto the trailer so that nothing is damaged and the Driver will have the minimum of pallets to shift at a delivery point. Loading a trailer from one side has its’ challenges and planning must take place to determine which face of the pallet should be up against the far curtain. Normally a Traffic Manager tries to get a quart into a pint pot and the Fork Lift Driver must decide which consignments can be double stacked. To see Fork Trucks moving at speed, turning a pallet of the ground, positioning it on the deck using side shift and reach facilities was fascinating to watch.
A man with a clip board was checking the consignments and came over to David and had a chat about his lorry. The penny then dropped that this was Mr. Neeley and David apologised for not recognising him. He didn’t fit the persona projected by his staff and the ‘old man’ description conjured up an image of a much older man. Mr. Neeley provided an insight into his business and he was interested that David had previously managed a frozen food groupage operation some 30 years ago which had the same characteristics of making a good margin on small consignments. As David and Mr. Neeley watched the transhipment operation David quipped, ‘You could sell tickets to watch this super show.’ Mr. Neeley laughed and said David could stop there as long as he wanted and indicated where the toilet facilities were.
Having previously arranged to meet the Funeral Director at 1500 hours David drove through Walsall and took the road to Bloxwich. The plan was for the Funeral Director to see the lorry and for David to explain how the coffin would be loaded, with the need to establish how many men would be available in the morning being the cardinal consideration. Within 10 minutes of David being there the Widow arrived and took an envelope containing cash out of her handbag and gave it to David. She was there with her children and a friend of the Family who looked at the lorry and said to the Widow, ‘You have done him proud.’ David was intending to measure the coffin and the Widow offered that he should do this without delay as David had been on the road a long time. However, David said the most important thing was for her and her family to say their last good byes and he had all the time in the world as Haywards weren’t expecting the lorry until 1730 hours.
David got to Haywards at 1645 hours and the entrance gate into the part of the site he would be parking was blocked by a lorry and a car. Having been there many times before everyone knows the vintage lorry and the vehicles moved off just as Quinn was opening the gate. Quinn watched David reverse into the garage which had been swept an hour earlier to ensure no metal got into the tyres of the 66 year old lorry. Quinn made David a cup of tea and David embarrassed the Fleet Engineer with his rendition of Manfred Mann’s ‘Mighty Quinn’. David handed over two boxes of biscuits and put his sandwiches in the fridge, before Quinn took David to the Premier Inn. Quinn had arranged to collect David at 0745 hours but instead of a car coming down the street David saw a Haywards Service Van that was equipped to escort Abnormal Loads. When David saw the ‘Abnormal Load’ sign on the head board he thought this was very apt knowing that he was about to load a heavy weight coffin.
A number of men helped David load and turn the coffin on the deck, however, at the crematorium David use a lever mechanism to lift the head end of the coffin and he turned the coffin himself on the deck supported by the Funeral Director on the ground. After the service an elderly couple came to shake David’s hand to thank him for the dignity he showed in manoeuvring their relative on his vehicle.

David came back using the A452 which is a fast dual carriage way in parts that goes around the east side of Birmingham in which the traffic flows and his first stop was at Tewkesbury where David normally refuels with competitively price diesel.
For once David got home in time for his tea, however, whilst his wife was making the meal David sent pictures to the Widow.     

Saturday, 1 July 2017

Southbourne & St. Albans



David Hall received a phone call from the Daughter of the Deceased about a funeral in Southbourne, near Chichester, however, an inquest was required and there was no firm date for the funeral at this stage. It emerged that the Deceased had been a Van Driver but his passion was the Land Rover which he had used each day to drive to work.
When David found out that the main Floral Tribute was going to be a 3D Land Rover he quickly got the contact number for the Florist, Flowers by Allison. The vintage lorry had previously carried Floral Tributes created by Allison Hiderah over 8 years ago and by looking back at the old file for a Waterlooville funeral David found his contemporaneous notes, ‘quality flowers that travelled well.’
Allison was pleased to hear from David and understood his request that three dimensional Floral Tributes should be created on a wooden board. Allison said that her Husband would make the stand for the Floral Tribute, however, she couldn’t make any estimate of the width, length or height of the Land Rover Floral Tribute.
Five days before the Southbourne funeral David still hadn’t heard anything about the 3D Land Rover Floral Tribute, but he had to start building the support structure for the Floral Tribute. Wanting to exceed the Family’s expectations, David decided to customise the support structure so that the Floral Tribute would appear to be sitting on the bonnet of a Land Rover in the position that a spare tyre was often positioned.
On a Thursday morning David was having a cup of coffee, reflecting that he still had no measurements of the main Floral Tribute for the Monday Southbourne funeral, when the phone rang about a funeral in St. Albans. In his email that requests information about the funeral, having experienced problems with the Southbourne funeral, David stressed to Kerry, that he required a timely response. Within 40 minutes of sending the email David received a reply to most of his points, which included the name of the Florist for the St. Albans funeral. At 1600 hours David received a phone call from Kendalls Florist and Emma informed him that the flowers would involve ‘DAD’, ‘POPS’, a Coffin Spray and the Gates of Heaven. She also provided the measurements for each of the Floral Tributes. The Gates of Heaven is an exquisite but delicate Floral Tribute which is hated by Funeral Directors because there is no way to secure the Gates of Heaven in a hearse, however, David has developed securement techniques which ensure that this Floral Tribute is never damaged on the vintage lorry.
David couldn’t believe what had happened. He was still in desperate need of information for a funeral in 4 days, but he already had all the information he needed for a funeral in 14 days!
Kerry, from the St. Albans Funeral Director, was excellent, the most immediate person David as ever met in the funeral industry. She also had an in-depth understanding of what was required for loading the coffin and Kerry confirmed that the Leyland Beaver would fit into their covered loading area. Kerry also checked that the vintage lorry could park overnight within the Funeral Directors’ garage and recommended a cost effective hotel for David nearby.
On the Friday morning David sent an email to Flowers by Allison asking that the board beneath the Floral Tribute should be no longer than 36 inches and no wider than 12 inches. The only response David received was that Allison would meet him to handover the Land Rover Floral Tribute at 0800 hours on Monday in Southbourne Farm Shop.
David always evaluates the best route to a Funeral Directors and often there is conflict in his head with part of him wanting to stick with the roads he knows but another part keen to explore new areas and perhaps uncover a gem, like an unclassified former Roman Road that has a good surface, is straight as a dye and not much traffic.
David decided to divert from his trusted B2150 through Hambledon & Denmead and opted to go via Clanfield, picking up the B2149 & B2148 which lead directly to Ensworth, the next village to Southbourne. Getting away at 0430 hours, David was at the Clanfield turn off by 0710 hours and he couldn’t believe his eyes. The main B2150 through Hambledon was closed for night tarmac operations and if David hadn’t opted for the Clanfield road he would have been in serious bother. David often believes that things are meant to be.

David arrived at Southbourne Farm Shop at 0745 hours and when Allison handed over the Floral Tribute he instantly understood why she couldn’t provide an early indication of size. Traditionally three dimensional Floral Tributes are made by Florists gluing blocks of oasis together, however, Allison’s Husband had made a lifelike scaled wooden model of the Deceased’s Land Rover which she had then covered with sheets of designer board oasis and then added the flowers. The flowers were of secondary interest with one’s eye immediately attracted to canvass cover, wooden wheels and radiator grille. It was the most realistic Floral Tribute David had seen to replicate a 4x4 vehicle.
Moores Traditional Funeral Directors were excellent with attentive Bearers with Les Whigman, in charge who conducted the funeral. David always asks the person travelling with him, ‘How would you fancy sitting there for 10 hours and accompanying me on a trip to Great Yarmouth?’ Everyone so far has declined the offer, citing too noisy, too hot, not enough leg room, but Les Whigman said, ‘I’d love to spend 10 hours in this seat, I love old equipment, the sounds and the smells’.

David’s lorry got a wonderful reception in front of the Family house in Hambrook and everyone was delighted with David’s efforts to customise the display. Two days after the funeral, apparently the Land Rover Floral Tribute was back in the Flowers by Allison shop, taking pride of place on a shelf with everyone remarking how wonderful it was.
The preparations for the St. Albans funeral were straight forward with all the information being available at the earliest stage possible. David arrived early at the Funeral Directors and within 40 minutes the Leyland Beaver was parked undercover and David was in his hotel and tackling a Sudoku puzzle. David had allocated 90 minutes to wash the vintage lorry, however, the glorious sunshine meant that the lorry had arrived in an immaculate condition.
The following day David walked to the Funeral Directors and had a cup of tea whilst their morning meeting took place. David was then taken to collect the 1950 Leyland Beaver and the Funeral Director’s employees stopped the traffic whilst the vintage lorry was slowly reversed into their facility with less than 9 inches either side through the doorway.

David was made to feel like part of the Funeral Directors family sitting in their restroom sipping tea and chatting to the men. Kerry handed David the cheque and also his sandwich box which had spent the night with the milk in the staff fridge. As the sandwiches were handed over the men laughed and one said, ‘Don’t you know that the crem has got a café?’
Jim had an in-depth knowledge of the engineering in the 67 year old vehicle having been a Coach Driver in the 1950’s & 1960’s. Rob, the limousine Driver, asked David which part of the North East he originated from. It transpired that Rob was originally from Murton, the next Pit Village to Easington Colliery where David has gone to school. David said that his Great Uncle Bob Wallace had worked at Murton Pit and Rob said that his Father had also worked at Murton Pit and he had often heard him talking about Bob Wallace, which is not surprising as Bob was a Deputy at the Pit. Within the Mine a Deputy was in charge of a group of Miners, responsible for achieving production targets but more importantly the safety of his men. In the 1950’s accidents were part and parcel of the risks the men took and the Deputy would listen carefully for cracks from the wooden pit props being a sign that he should get his men out quickly. Bob Wallace on occasions had to take horrendous decisions if a man was trapped with rocks on his hand. It was an instant decision that Bob had to make whether a man had to loose his fingers rather than loose his life and a number of men were saved by Bob’s actions. Bob Wallace’s left hand was severely crushed in a mining accident and Surgeons managed to save three digits and moved his little finger making it his thumb. It was humbling for David to learn that 40 years after his death people still remembered Bob Wallace. Another interesting fact about Bob Wallace is that he came back from the Somme, surviving some horrendous injuries, however, just after the battle he was put on a charge and briefly imprisoned for an act of kindness. Bob had given a starving German Prisoner a piece of his bread.
The gates at the West Herts Crematorium were 9 ft apart and set near the road where people attending a nearby school would abandon their cars. Luckily the funeral day coincided with a Teachers Strike day and the road was empty. As it was imperative to get the Leyland Beaver straight in line with the gate posts, David slowly drove past the posts before quickly applying full lock on the Steering Wheel, the Leyland Beaver spun on a sixpence and the cab slowly came round as David took off the lock and ended up exactly in the middle of the gate posts, 9 inches clear each side. Kerry and the Deceased’s two Grandsons, who were in front of the lorry, gasped as if they had seen a Paul Daniels magic trick.
Something amazing happened whilst David was offloading the Flowers, Adam Ginder from Ginder Funeral Directors stepped forward and took the ‘DAD’ Floral Tributes from David’s hands. Never before has David seen rival Funeral Directors help one another. The Funeral Director’s employees were correct that West Herts Crematorium does have a café, situated next to the flower area, and it was doing a very good trade. People leaving the café saw the vintage lorry, expressed a lot of interest and David has never given out so many business cards at a crematorium.

David’s journey home involved the old A4, which had been a three lane road in the 1950’s but drivers behind the vintage lorry were reluctant to pass with traffic coming in the opposite direction. David reflected about his Uncle Bob’s left hand and how as a 5 year child David would ask if Bob would take it out of its mitten for David to look at it and asked questions that an older person wouldn’t have raised on ground of sensitivity. However, the inquisitive young boy helped Bob Wallace’s confidence and a great relationship was established.
So David thought he could best convey that the A4 was a three lane road was by putting his thumb and first finger together and allowing three fingers to protrude, like his Uncle Bob’s left hand. David steered the Leyland Beaver as far left as he could, displayed the three finger sign with his right hand, a Van Driver approaching understood David’s gesture, moved towards his left and a huge gap opened up. Suddenly the penny dropped, a reluctant female Driver edged past, then a Van, then a Sports Car. So it gathered momentum and over 200 cars passed the vintage lorry using the ‘middle lane’ between Thatcham and Calne, with Drivers paying no attention to the hatched road markings. Drivers coming past were delighted and expressed their thanks by a friendly toot on the horn, a brief spell of 4 way flashers or more sedately simply putting their hand in front of their driving mirror, as drivers would have done in the 1950’s.               

Thursday, 1 June 2017

Sutton Coldfield-something bad turned into something good



On the morning of Friday May 27th 2016 David got up at 0400 hours ready for an early start at 0445 hours for a funeral in Sutton Coldfield. The route is well tried and David often uses the A46 around Bath, up into Stroud, the A38 around Gloucester to Tewkesbury and rejoining the A46 to Oversley Mill Service at Alcester, normally David’s first stop.
David put on the computer for his wife to check the roads whilst he took a shower. Whilst David was having his breakfast his wife shouted, ‘The A46 around Bath is closed for Night Tarmac Laying and won’t reopen until 0700 hours.’ This caused David to have a quick change of strategy. In recent years David has always used the ‘Gloucester route’, which he has christened The West Side Story, because it is easier to get vehicles around the Leyland Beaver due to the high incidence of dual carriageways and three lane roads, wide enough to get vehicles three abreast. In addition, Oversley Mill Services on the A46 near Alcester have excellent toilet facilities. David is well known to the members of staff who allow him to park the Leyland Beaver whilst he takes a 45 minute rest break. A well stocked shop, with a good supply of newspapers and magazines is also next door to a recently built McDonald’s restaurant.
David set out from Bradford-on-Avon on the back road to Corsham, evaluating how he could cut back and join the A46 north of the road works, however, the burning thought in David’s mind was that must arrive at Sutton Coldfield by 1000 hours. As he approached Chippenham David thought it would be beneficial to abandon the A46 strategy and go via the old Fosse Way, which David had used in the infancy of Vintage Lorry Funerals. The high incidence of double white lines, lack of any dual carriageway and limited three lane roads caused David to review this route in 2006. In addition there are no toilet facilities on the Fosse Way apart from Tesco at Stow-on-the-Wold which opens at 0600 hours. However, in this emergency situation it was a case of needs must and David crossed the M4 and headed for Cirencester.
David doesn’t use a Sat Nav, he has a list of road numbers and landmarks to watch out for, drawn with coloured pencils, on the back of an envelope attached with a bull clip to a Road Atlas which lies across the engine cover. The only problem was that the route plan in front of him was for the A46, not the Fosse Way, so David just went with road sense established over many years and followed the signs.
At 0600 hours David reached Cirencester and saw hardly anyone on the road. The first part of the road to Stow-on-the-Wold involves 3 very steep hills, including the notorious Fossebridge. The 1950 Leyland Beaver is excellent on hills and on the two lanes uphill section of Fossebridge a large modern day articulated vehicle pulled out, attempted to overtake but couldn’t catch the Leyland Beaver which was cruising up the steep slope at 25 miles per hour in top gear. At the brow of the hill David slowed down and waved the articulated vehicle past and the Driver’s Mate, sitting in the passenger seat, put up two thumbs signifying that both men in the modern lorry were in awe of the performance of the 66 year old vintage vehicle.
The steep down hill sections on the Fosse Way enabled the Leyland Beaver to achieve 42 miles per hour down the slope and this uplifted the average speed. In addition the traffic lights in Stow-on-the-Wold and Moreton-in-Marsh are set on a short timescale change so David was never stopped for long. Any cars that came up behind the Leyland Beaver were driven by experienced drivers who came past the vintage lorry as soon as David signified that the road was clear up ahead.
David was surprised at the progress he was making having reached in 2.5 hours, Halford, where the road splits and the original Fosse Way becomes the B4455 and goes through to Leicester or Ratae Corieltauvorum as it was in Roman times. In 3 hours he had just left the A46 just south of Warwick, which was becoming crowded with rush hours traffic, joined the A4177 and reached Balsall Common. David looked at the Smiths Speedometer and realised that he had travelled 90 miles, averaging 30 miles per hour, which was excellent for a lorry with a top speed of 32 miles per hour on level roads. If David had gone via his preferred A46 route in 3 hours he would have only got to Oversley Mill Services and travelled 80 miles.
The A4177 leads onto the A452, which is mainly dual carriageway and follows the M6 closely before cutting north towards Brownhills. The traffic was busy on the M6 but light on the A452. David took the A5127 to Sutton Coldfield and landed at the Funeral Directors at 0900 hours, 4 hours door to door, no stops, saving an hour on the A46 route.
As David waited for the Funeral Director to open, he bought a paper, sipped his coffee and ate his Toffee Crisp. He thought that despite the shock that he had at 0400 hours things hadn’t worked out so bad. A location that had been felt to have been at the extreme of David’s 5 hour driving time to go there and back in a day, was reached with one hour spare! Thus if the Fosse way could be used for east Birmingham and beyond then it may be possible to undertake Lichfield or Leicester on a there and back basis if the funeral was booked for the afternoon.
This was an example of how sometimes events don’t turn out as bad as people dread or that every cloud has silver lining.

The funeral was conducted by a young Funeral Director called Leon and David wasn’t sure how to spell his name so he asked if it was spelt the same way as Leon Russell, who wrote Delta Lady for Joe Cocker. Well young Leon hadn’t heard of either gentleman! When Leon was paging the cortege at Streetly Crematorium, it became evident to David that Leon was going the wrong way around the system but there was no discreet way to warn him. Sounding the horn would have been inappropriate and David didn’t want to ruin Leon’s confidence so the lorry and the following limousine ended up the wrong way in the porte cochere. Being 30 minutes early and the wrong way round, nothing could get much worse for Leon, who was crestfallen. Leon explained to David that this was the first time he had been to Streetly Crematorium and David told him that Leon Russell’s most famous song was Stranger in a Strange Land. Leon said that the song described perfectly how he felt.

Whilst the service was taking place David drove the wrong way into the car park, turned the vintage lorry and parked in the corner. Whilst he was having his sandwich some mourner for the next funeral parked his 4 x4 in front of the Leyland Beaver blocking it from leaving the car park. David got out of the cab and asked the person not to leave his vehicle in that position, using a gentle, polite and persuasive tone. In David’s experience people in grief, late for a funeral can do silly things, abandoning their cars with no thoughts of anyone else’s need but their own.
Coming home David thought he would use the Fosse Way again but this turned out to be a bad decision. This was the Friday before a Bank Holiday Monday and a lot of people were travelling to the West Country and using the Fosse Way. The quick-fire traffic lights in Moreton-in-Marsh and Stow-on-the-Wold, which were ideal at 0630 hours not holding up minimal traffic, were a nightmare at 1630 hours with only small batches of a large volume of traffic being let through and the remainder being held back. This created an ever increasing length of stationary traffic approximately a mile outside of each town. The biggest problem was caused by the Tesco traffic lights with local people having completed their weekly shopping forcing their way into the queuing traffic.
It also wasn’t easy to get cars past the vintage lorry has a high preponderance of cars with caravans could not overtake quick enough before the next oncoming vehicle arrived. Coming towards Bourton-on-the-Water David spotted Bernard Saunders and his Daughter working on cars outside their workshop. David piped his horn and they waved back. David has known the Saunders family for over 15 years and he always rings them if he needs any advice on road conditions in their area.
The journey home took 6 hours, so David noted in his Lessons Learnt List that the Fosse Way is not always the answer and selected use in the future should be part of the Vintage Lorry Funerals operating plan. Also a road check should be made the day before the funeral not on the morning of the funeral.